xXSiBeRiAn_KiSSxX's Xanga

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 02:54:10 GMT

i forgot about xanga.

but got reaquainted.

and i know lots more about sharon's life as of late.

and i suck.

ultra hard.

everything sucks.

i am emo.

blah.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 00:46:46 GMT

for some reason, my mom and her friends are watching the teen choice awards.

i find it ironic that johnny depp keeps winning teen choice awards.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 03:50:48 GMT

http://s28.photobucket.com/albums/c233/deirdrexxx/prom/

go thurr if you want to see pictures of the most pointlessly expensive night of my life :)

Friday, April 14, 2006

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 07:31:47 GMT

i decided i need to set some goals. help me if i forget any.

start a venue with sharon.
learn to cook.
lose my burl.
find a job for the summer. and hopefully longer.
not fail the AP test. again.
be a terror at wal-mart, target, k-mart, etc. a place avec camping gear.
leave the US for awhile.
more to come...

Friday, February 10, 2006

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 03:20:25 GMT

Camille L. Harris, nee Gajewski, beloved wife of Herbert S. Jr.; loving mother of Sheila, Herbert G., Denise (Juan) Roman and David; devoted grandmother of Deirdre, Andrew, Victor and Eric-Maximillian; fond sister of Rosemarie (Joseph) Leger and Julianne (Donald) Stevens. Funeral Monday, Feb. 13 at 9:30 a.m. from Colonial-Wojciechowski Funeral Home, 6250 N. Milwaukee Ave., to St. Tarcissus Church. Mass 10 a.m. Interment St. Adalbert. Lunch Room Manager for Chicago Public Schools. In lieu of flowers, contributions to Tree House Animal Foundation Inc., 1212 W. Carmen, Chicago, IL 60640 or PAWS, 1110 W. 35th St., Chicago, IL 60609 appreciated. Visitation Sunday 2 to 9 p.m. Info 773-774-0366 or www.colonialfuneral.com.
Published in the Chicago Tribune on 2/10/2006.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 01:57:02 GMT

Yesterday started out great. I got a morning after my birthday breakfast of donuts from my amazing boyfriend and didn’t have to start school till 1. Amy bought me birthday flowers and took me out for Thai food. I wondered why my aunt Maureen's car was outside when I got home. She came to tell me and my mom that my grandmother died earlier that day.

I still can’t believe it. I can’t accept it. Two weeks ago, she broke her leg. She went to the hospital with a broken leg. They found out there that she was anemic, but when her levels of iron or whatever went up, they sent her to a nursing home/rehab center. She had a broken leg. People don’t die because of a broken leg.

My grandmother was the greatest person I have ever met in my life. She was the most unselfish person anyone could ever meet. She did everything for everybody, and never asked for anything in return. she supported everything, no matter how stupid. She truly wanted the best for everybody. Anything I wanted in life, she would do everything in her power to make it happen. She wanted her family to be happy. No matter what we achieved in life, she was proud. I constantly made her proud, and I will not stop doing so until the day that I die. Anything my cousins did, though their only 4 And 10, she was proud of. I will always remember the happiness in her voice every time she told me the cute things that max said, or what swear words the twins said that made her laugh but also feel bad because she taught them. She would brag to everyone about my gpa and what colleges accepted me. She even told my aunt that I would always be her favorite grandchild. Which pissed my aunt off. But was funny.

She was my best friend. Since I was never close with my mom, I could always go to her and tell her everything. No matter what I did in life, she was supportive and would still love me for it. For the last two weeks, I haven’t woken up to her daily phone calls. For the last two Saturdays, I haven’t had my usual hour-long conversations. This was the first birthday where I haven’t woken up to her singing happy birthday. And I will never have it again. This is horrible. I didn’t think turning 18 would be a big deal. Yeah, it’s when you become an adult, but I never thought it would happen so soon.

I always knew this was going to happen, obviously, but I knew I would never be prepared for it. I have been preparing for my grandfather to die for years, and yes, I know that sounds terrible. He had numerous cancers, and has been chain smoking for 57 years. When he goes, I will accept it. I love him, but he brought it on himself. I am not prepared to lose my grandmother. She had a broken leg. You don’t die from a broken leg. She was only 63. she had years left of life. When I visited her last Tuesday, she was making plans to go back to work and go to new Orleans next Christmas. She was laughing and joking. Granted, she was on morphine and Prozac, but she was being herself.

I’m not the best person in the world, but I know I don’t deserve this. I have never been so heartbroken or devastated. She didn’t deserve to die. She was a great person. I have yet to meet one person who has met her and didn’t instantly like her. She practically raised me. I lived with her for the first 15 years of my life. She was there everyday. I went to the school that she worked at. All summer long, we would spend it together, traveling around Chicago doing everything you could possibly imagine. She taught me so much about life and love and basic stuff like how to pee in a toilet. My mom did a fucking amazing job raising me, but I know I wouldn’t have been half the person I am today if I had lived with just my mom or even with my father. My grandparents have been beyond amazing, and I am forever grateful that I got the chance to live with them. In some ways, I wish just saw her on birthdays and Christmas. I wouldn’t be such a train wreck if I never knew her.

I will never forget her. She is truly the best person to ever set foot on this earth. She deserved a long life. Her dream was to see me graduate college. Now she can’t even be there for high school. I know I have to keep going and keep succeeding for her. She was always the one who pushed me to do the best I could. After school, when we waited for my grandfather to pick us up, she would always clear off a space for me to start my homework. I couldn’t have any fun until it was done. When I would get a good report card, I would get $20 for myself. She did that up until last June And I still have that habit to this day. As soon as I get home, I get out my work and finish it. I don’t care if I’m up all night, I will finish it. And I think it has paid off. She cried when I told her about my scholarships. I will keep on for her.

When I was little and didn’t feel like being in class, I would go down to the lunchroom (or at our ghetto ass school, the stage) and talk to her. She would get me a juice or chocolate milk and one of the CPS trademark peanut butter and jelly cracker sandwiches. Whatever classroom I was in, she would make sure we got the warmest food and the freshest milk. She would hoard snacks for me. My favorites were the little packages of oyster crackers that went with the chili.

Every week, we would go down to Illinois Masonic so she could get her allergy shots. Ironic how the place that saved her from so many allergic reactions and asthma attacks would kill her. We would go to Pompeii for dinner, then either the park or the teaching store or navy pier. When I went with her to the doctor and navy pier this summer, she was happy for weeks. She told me a couple of weeks into the school year how she wants me to go with over spring break and how the next summer she would ditch the twins more so I would go. She had big plans for this spring break, to visit all the schools I’m still considering, and she could see them. She had her eyes set on U of C, but I know I never would’ve gotten in there. Hell, she would’ve been happy if I went to devry. Even when she left gray and went to smyser, my grandfather would drive me over there so I could go to the doctor with her.

When she broke her ankle in 94, I was her entertainment. I would sit in her bed with her and raw her pictures. She still had them buried in there somewhere. When titanic came to the cheap theatres, we went to see it for a week straight. I bought her a titanic poster because she had a crush on Leonardo. It’s still hanging in her room. In the summers, I would go with her when she worked summer school. I would sit and draw pictures, and help her with the food. Even when I was infected with chicken pox, I would go with her. She would put cover up all over my spots incase her manager showed up. Afterwards we would go to museums and downtown, just to look. We did everything I wanted to do. Even when I got older and all I cared about was shopping, boys, and korn, she would take me to the mall, and sometimes trail behind me so the boys wouldn’t know she was there with me. I remember I never asked her to do that. I was not ashamed of my grandmother.

Her favorite place in the world was new Orleans. I'm glad I went with her one last time. it made her happy that I went although I didn’t want to, and she was so disappointed when she didn’t get to take me to the store on Decatur that sold the red sparkly shoes and the tops with the disconnected sleeves. I wasn’t mad though. When the twins were bothering me, she made my mom take them out, and me and her stayed in the hotel enjoying the cable and napping. I would give anything to go back to this summer. When we went on vacations with Mack, she would take us to all the shops at union station and buy us magazines to occupy us on the trip. She was the peacemaker between me and my mother in New York, making my mom go out without us and motivating Mack and me to get out of bed. I feel bad to this day because she wanted to see all the sights, but gave it up so I could nap a little longer. She was so disappointed when she broke her leg that she couldn’t go with me and my mom to see Marquette. I don’t want to even go, but my mom wants to. she says my grandmother wouldn’t have wanted me to give up a possible future to be sad. I will be though. I remember the 1^st time I went to Milwaukee. Me, Denise, and my grandma went because Denise had some convention or job interview or something. The two of us went to this one mall every day. We would just walk around. One day, we got on a random bus and wound up at the Wisconsin state fair. I was so excited to see the sheep. She loved cows. We would always go to the Lincoln park zoo and stay forever at the farm to see the cows. She was a total sucker for calves.

My grandmother loved my friends. She would ask about Tina and Diane every time I saw her, ever at times when I wasn’t talking to them. She would always see me and Orlando on the bus, and she would always find five bucks to give us to go get food. It makes me so happy that she approved of Joe. She asked about him all the time, and if he wasn’t at a party or something, she wanted to know how he was doing. She was always making sure he had money for clothes and stuff. She even liked the van. I'm very glad everyone has been so supportive. Joe left school so he could comfort me, and Mack forgot all the stuff that went on between us because I was upset. She is in Tina's heart, and Amy is offering to come over and help me. I couldn’t ask for better friends.

She was the sweetest woman in the world. Though you couldn’t spend an hour with her without hearing her call someone a bastard, she was nice to everyone who liked her. When she saw my ripped up cons, back when I wanted so hard to be punk, she scraped up thirty bucks for me to get new shoes. She would buy me one day CTA passes all the time, so I wouldn’t have to dig up money when I wanted to go out. She would give me money whenever she could, just so I could go out and have fun every so often. She would give me all quarters sometimes, and even though it was a bitch to fill my bus pass, the quarters always made my day. She would constantly buy me gloves and underwear. I got use out of the gloves, but would often use the underwear as joke gifts for my friends. I’m going to keep the last pairs she gave me. Never to wear, but to remind me of the thought she always had. and she bought me foot cream. I’ll keep that too.

I can think of pages and pages more of great things I will always remember about my grandmother. 90% of my good memories have to do with her in some sense. It is going to be forever until I can think of her and not cry. When I do go back to school, I will leave the extra 20 minutes to go to Harlem instead of Jeff park. I just don’t think I can handle passing her house. I don’t know when I will be well again. She was the one constant in my life, even when my mom and I couldn’t get along, she was there to help me. she was always on my side. I still can’t believe she is gone. I will never see my grandmother again. It kills me. At times like these, I wish I were religious. I wish I had the beliefs to accept that she is with god, and she is happy. I just can’t do it. And if the idea of god does exist, why does he do this? Why would he take this wonderful woman off this earth, and make everyone around her miserable? It is not fair. She didn’t deserve to loose her life. What about the rapists and child molesters, they get to go on fucking women and little boys, but my family is left without wife, mother, grandmother, sister, niece, aunt, cousin? I cannot accept this. I thank everyone who has been here for me these last couple days, and who will continue to do so. I know it will take me a long time to accept and move on from this. I know that one day, I will be able to accept the fact that she is gone. I will never forget her though. My cousin max is completely attached to her, but he won’t remember her in 10 years. The twins will remember her, but not as well as I do. Everything I did in life, I thought of her first. I will still do it. I have never met a better person in my life. And I know my grandfather will soon follow her. We all rolled our eyes when we went to visit her and she said she was going to doe. She said she was going to die every time she had a cold. I saw her last Tuesday, and she was ecstatic that I came. I told her I loved her and that I’ll see her soon. And that she would be better before you know it and gambling in new Orleans.

Rest in peace Camille Lois Harris. I love you more than you ever knew and I will never forget you.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 02:13:48 GMT

2 years of me and joseph.

i could never be happier.

¢¾

Friday, August 19, 2005

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 05:23:33 GMT

WeakWeek85: life would be very un da bomb without uu in it

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 01:23:11 GMT

tomorrow will be 1.5 years with joe.

happy 1.5 years! i you.

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 23:35:20 GMT

my quote of today........

"..........the sun is shining and im completely miserable. I hate life sometimes......I need Joe to cheer me up................."

adrian is so sweet....i think i have some competition